You know that feeling staring at a blank page, waiting for inspiration to strike, while the tiny voice in your head sighs and mutters: “Well..shit”?
Yeah. That.
For most people, it’s a tiny road bump. For me? Its the first boss battle of the day. Not exactly a “Carpe Diem! Let’s conquer the world!”energy i was hoping for. More like “Let’s stare at the ceiling and contemplate my entire existence while eating cereal straight from the box.”
But here’s the thing: I’ve been here before. A lot. My first existential crisis hit me in kindergarten, and it never really packed up and left.
I’ve been free-falling ever since. I’ve always felt a little out of place, like a puzzle piece that somehow ended up in the wrong box. The things i wanted to try were either impossible, ridiculous, or met with “That’s not a real career, sweetie.” And okay fine, sometimes i may have slightly overestimated my abilities(who knew you couldn’t master five skills overnight and achieve inner peace before breakfast).
Maybe it was my environment. Maybe it was my impressive talent for overthinking myself into a spiral.
Either way, i ended up a walking contradiction, let me explain:
I don’t like people, but i want to help them.
I hate money, but i require it for reasons(for luxuries like food and bills).
I crave for inner peace, but also, wouldn’t mind a dramatic adventure sequence with background music.
I long for stability, but routine makes me want to fake my own disappearance and start over as a mysterious lighthouse keeper.
And honestly? I have no idea what i’m supposed to do with my life. There’s no clear path, no “Aha!” moment guiding me like a wise old mentor in a coming-of-age movie. Just me, standing in the middle of an crossroads with a very helpful map that just says “Figur it out.”
But here’s what i’m starting to realize. I dint’t have to squeeze into one box, follow one path, or settle for a life that doesn’t make me want to high-five myself. So yeah. In the grand language of life, i may not have started out as the main character, but something tells me that the best plot twists are still coming.
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